Cookie Monster Searches Deep Within Himself and Asks: Is Me Really Monster?

Who me kidding? Me know me never actually eat cookies. Me only crumble cookies in mouth, but me no swallow. Me can’t swallow. Me no have no esophagus. Me no have no trachea. Me only have black fabric throat. Me not supposed to be able to even talk.

Beautiful, genious, brilliant. The reason the internet exists.