Author: Scott (Page 80 of 80)

5 Reasons Bret Michaels is the Lamest “Rock Star” Ever

March 23, 2008 / Scott / 2 Comments

I remember when Poison was really popular and I thought they were stupid. Mostly it was because I was a music snob back then, but a lot of it had to do with the fact that they just sucked.

Now we have Rock Of Love, and honestly, I can think of 5 people I know right now who are happily married with kids and regular ol’ jobs who act more like rock stars than Bret Michaels. I had Easter dinner with one of them (and our wives and kids) today, after he got out of church of course. I think we drank enough beer between the two of us–it had to have been 2/3 of a six pack–to put Bret Michaels under the table.

I wouldn’t let this guy be a roadie for a boy band–that’s how NOT Rock Star he is. I submit these five facts for your consideration.

1. He has no game. None.

You would think that after having girls throw themselves at him for a few years in the 80s, he would at least have a little bit of game. This guy couldn’t close the deal with a drunk hooker if he had crapped crack and pissed liquid gold. Want to see a rock star with game? Give me (of course) David Lee Roth.

2. No famous chicks want to date him

Bret Michaels is was actually attractive and famous. And he has to go on TV to get a date? Yeah he dated Pam Anderson (briefly) a long time ago. But my guess is she quickly figured out how lame he is (see reason #1). Even the girl he picked in the first season of Rock of Love didn’t want to date him, presumably because she was already too famous for him. Let me have Rick Ocasek, Billie Joel, Adam Clayton, Kid Rock or instead of this Z-list supporter.

3. He took the girls’ exes to Dave and Busters.

Not a trip into and out of Vegas for a weekend on a private jet. Not a run to Tijuana to get tats and piercings. Not even a strip club. Dave and Freaking Busters. Give me a break. Nothing says ROCK STAR like sipping on a Zima and playing a few rounds of skee-ball and wak-a-mole, huh? Instead, I’d like to see Lemmy from Motorhead. Yeah, he’s not going to go anywhere uber-cool either, but he’ll show up with a cooler full of beer and keep you up all night telling funny stories and burning you with cigarettes when he catches you nodding off. That’s cool.

4. He’s never fought a member of Motley Crue

As far as I know, he hasn’t fought anybody. Not that I’m surprised by that–I’m sure he’d get his ass kicked. But he’s never even shown that he has a temper. I’ve never heard stories of dressing rooms being trashed. I’ve never heard of him being thrown out of a club for breaking a beer bottle across someone’s face. Nothing. I’d so much rather watch this show with Tommy Lee, who I bet has fought EVERY member of Motley Crue at one time or another.

5. He’s never been to rehab

That’s actually admirable for people like me and you. But this is America. We like our rock stars either troubled, violent, or toxic–preferably all three. He’s never even been drunk on his own “party like a rock star” TV show. I have a feeling that “Bret’s Brew” is actually 30% lemonade, 30% fruit punch, 30% Sprite and 10% soda water. Give me Bret’s old guitar player, C.C. DeVille in his place. At least there’s a chance he’ll go on a coke binge and freak out right in front of our eyes.

How Big Bird Creates Critical Thinkers

March 5, 2008 / Scott / 0 Comments

Earlier today I was reading a book to my friend’s little boy. In the book, Big Bird was asking the kids to pick objects that fell into certain categories. For instance, he would ask the child to pick out something that we eat from a page full of blue objects, and the child would pick the bowl of blueberries. A page of green objects may contain a coat, and Big Bird would ask the kids to choose the thing that we wear. We expanded this game a little by talking about the other objects on the page as well, not just doing what was in the book, but going further than Big Bird asked us to.

We both had a blast reading the book, and I was telling Ana all about it on our way home. She told me that what we were doing was called “categorizing and classifying”. I had no idea while we were reading we were actually working on developing this little boy’s critical thinking skills. I was giving him categories and he was classifying the objects into those categories. We were building up his classify and categorize foundation that will allow him as an adult to read op-eds in the newspaper (if those still exist by then) and determine the author’s political leanings and motivations as he is considering the points the author is making. Pretty cool, huh?

Now I’m thinking of other activities we could do with the same book. One of the ideas I had was to close the book and ask him to find an orange animal. This would exercise his mind by asking him to classify an object into two categories instead of just one. As a computer nerd, I’d be interested to see how he’d approach that problem. Would he take the most efficient search approach and flip through the book to find the orange page, then look for an animal? Or would he look at each page identifying all the animals and then classifying them by colors? My guess is that kids of different ages may take different approaches.

Miss Milwaukee 1959

November 27, 2007 / Scott / 0 Comments

First of all, thanks to those of you who continue to vote in my idiotic polls. They usually start off as stupid ideas that pop into my head. They later graduate to stupid ideas that show up on my blog. I then spend a week or more trying to figure out if there are any real conclusions I can draw about my readers from the answers. For this past poll, I think I was pretty successful in doing just that.

When asked the question “which one?” of the women from Happy Days, 33% of respondents chose Jenny Piccolo, which was one of two correct answers. Why Jenny Piccolo? She was a minor character, right? She didn’t contribute much to the show until long after Fonzie jumped the shark and Marcy’s second husband (Married With Children reference) showed up, right?

Good point. But savvy male viewers, even in their early childhood, could infer quite a bit about Jenny Piccolo. One thing was certainly implied by every reference to her–she was bad. Not crackwhore bad. Naughty bad. Bad influence on Joanie bad. Break curfew bad. Willing to kiss on the first date bad. I guess in the 50s you’d take whatever you could get as far as naughty goes. Either way, guys knew that Jenny Piccolo was down. Not only that, but she was the hottest of the available choices. Jenny Piccolo is the only acceptable choice for the type of guy who’d be looking to hook up while on vacation for a week in Milwaukee.

The only other acceptable answer was Lori Beth, but only 17% of respondents chose her. How does she qualify as an acceptable answer? Well, Ritchie Cunningham picked her didn’t he? Lori Beth was a nice girl, at least on the surface. She was the anti-Jenny Piccolo. She had Ritchie p-whipped (the “p” stand for “prude” of course). Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham loved her, The Fonz respected her, and Potsy and Ralph were on a never ending quest to find a girl just like her. I have a theory that Lori Beth and Potsy actually hooked up in the bathroom at Arnold’s one night after getting all hopped up on root beer floats. I also suspect that Rick Ocasek wrote “My Best Friend’s Girl” about Lori Beth from Potsy’s perspective. But that’s here nor there.

Lori Beth is the long term girl. She’s the type of girl you want to date for years. If you play your cards right, you can build up her hopes that you’ll one day marry her and have a couple of kids in your middle class house. She’ll stay home and bake cookies while you get up every morning and head off to your dad’s hardware store. Of course, you have no intention of ever following through, but still. Her hopes will finally be dashed one steamy night at Inspiration Point when you accidentally call her…

Leather Tuscadero? Someone actually chose Leather Tuscadero? Uh, not sure if you were aware, but Leather Tuscadero doesn’t even like dudes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I don’t like dudes either–at least not in that way. Is that the attraction to her? Some kind of psychological thing that makes you want what you can’t have? Are you that much of a masochist? Oh wait, maybe the “leather” part of the name ties in there somewhere. If that weren’t enough, she looks like Joan Jett on a 12 day meth binge. She was only included on the list as a trick answer, and you fell for it. I’d never even have considered her if I hadn’t been thinking about…

Pinky Tuscadero. Those of you who chose her, I get it. Sort of. I was just as worried as you were when the Malachi brothers gave her the Malachi crunch in the demolition derby. But please, let’s think this through. She’s a carny–a sideshow act. She’s just one step above the usual crowd of groupies that follow Fonzie around. She’s always leaving to go out on the road and jump her motorcycle through a hoop of fire or something. I half expected her to turn up on an episode of The Dukes of Hazzard playing a middle aged woman who comes back and reveals to Bo and Luke that they are actually her sons whom she left with her brother Jesse in order to keep them from finding out that Roscoe was their real father. That would explain where they got their daredevil genes wouldn’t it?

The obvious wrong choice out of this list, Joanie, was chosen by 25% of respondents. Who picked Joanie? Identify yourselves! How can you do that to your boy Chachi? And that’s nothing compared to the fact that she’s Ritchie’s sister! His little baby sister! Is nothing sacred anymore? I’m more disappointed in those of you who selected Joanie than I am in those who selected Leather.

I’ve learned a lot about my readers from this poll. Now how can I top it?

This Thanksgiving Post Trumps Them All

November 20, 2007 / Scott / 0 Comments

Earlier today I started on a post about Thanksgiving, how it is my favorite holiday, a truly American holiday, etc. Then my aunt forwarded this little excerpt about Thanksgiving that my grandfather wrote a few years before he died. Boy did my post look stupid.

I’ll stop writing now. His words are much better than mine.

In 1944 as a soldier in the U.S. Army, we left San Francisco, California in February headed for somewhere in the Pacific Islands to do our bit as Air Borne Engineers to rid the islands of invading Japanese.

It was a sad sight as we stood on deck looking back toward the U.S. to see the Golden Gate Bridge sink slowly out of sight as the Pacific Ocean water raised in the horizon. I think our thoughts were unanimous that we may never see The Golden Gate again.

After 22 months of service in New Guinea and the Philippine Island, we had finally liberated the islands and the Japanese had surrendered and the Army began demobilizing.

On November 5th, I boarded the USS General Collins in Manila Bay to start the long journey home. We took the Northern route which according to the curvature of the earth was the shortest route. Somewhere around the Aleutian Islands, we hit a typhoon. Reports were that waves of 50 foot engulfed the ship and we were hold bound for a long period of time. This was the longest period of scare that I went through. Most scares were short lived. Here I was headed home but can we make it? Thank God, we did. It took us 16 days to get back to the United States.

The last day of our 16 day journey we were in the chow line for our Thanksgiving Day dinner with turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, a regular Thanksgiving meal feast. It was Thanksgiving Day, Thursday November 22, 1945. A call came down from the watchman in the crows nest that the Golden Gate was coming into view. The chow line disappeared. Remembering the time involved watching it sink, I knew I had time to eat so I went straight to the serving counter and had my choice fill.

I went out on deck after I had lunch and the Golden Gate was slowly rising out of the water. The closer we got to it, the higher it rose from the water. As I watched and my heart beat became faster and I became happier. It dawned on me that the majestic portals under the canopy of heaven which we must pass through was the reward of peace that we had victoriously won as victors of the “War to End all Wars, WWII.”

Dinah Shore was on the deck of the tug boat which met us to help with the docking. She sang and welcomed us back to the state side. We debarked on to a ferry which carried us to Pittsburgh, Ca. There, we were picked up by trucks and carried to Camp Stoneman.

For the dinner that night, we had steak fried to order with all the trimmings and all the fresh milk we could drink and all the ice cream we could eat. Quit a treat after 22 months in the tropics.

Thanksgiving has a lot of special meanings to me. A lot to be thankful for. I love to be with friends and family. I love to eat, hunt, relax and be selfish when I boast that Thanksgiving means more to me than any one else in the world!

This time of year is a very sentimental time for me. November 5th leaving Manila headed home, November 11, Veterans Day, November 22nd, landing in the USA. Every Thanksgiving is November 22nd for me. December 5th, I was discharged from the Army, December 7th reached home. Remember Pearl Harbor.

I really should post more of what he wrote in the future. This one little piece says a lot about him.

Remembering the time involved watching it sink, I knew I had time to eat so I went straight to the serving counter and had my choice fill.

If I’m lucky I’ll one day develop the patience and common sense that he had.

Chicago Marathon 2003 Race Report

October 26, 2003 / Scott / 0 Comments

This is a post-dated race report, but it’s all I’ve got. Funny that back when I wrote this I was so focused on the miles themselves and not the actual event. I didn’t even think at the time to make notes about the huge expo, crowds, and all the great support I got. 😉

Finish time was 3:57:22. Very happy with this for a first marathon effort. Four hours was the goal, and I hit it. Having used the Hal Higdon beginner training program, it comes highly recommended!!! The furthest I’d ever run before I began training for this race was a 10k.

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Here’s the breakdown of what happened mile by mile:

Mile 1–9:24, Sort of what I expected at the start, made a mental note to NOT try to make all that time up early
Mile 2–9:00, About what I wanted to run for the first few miles, so I was really happy and comfortable
Mile 3–9:09, Some bottleneck slowed us down, but still no problem. Chris was nursing a hamstring injury. On this mile he tripped, got up and said, “Not my day” and stepped off the course. I felt really bad for him.
Mile 4–9:10, Same as above, but starting to worry a little about the pace–Inexperience.
Mile 5–8:29, Probably pressing too soon to make up time…I know that now anyway.
Mile 6–9:41, Jon stopped to use the restroom. I decided to take as much fluid as I could and wait on him. Hurt timewise, but I figured the extra fluid would pay off. If I’d only known!
Mile 7–8:20, Stupidly evened out the last mile to 9:00. Starting to worry a little because my splits are all over the place. I need to settle into a comfortable pace.
Mile 8–8:30, Didn’t slow down as much as I’d have liked, but at least I slowed down
Mile 9–8:42, THIS is the pace I want
Mile 10–8:22, What happened here? I don’t remember, but I think we spent a big part of this mile jumping ahead to try to find space to run.
Mile 11–8:45, Got it back.
Mile 12–8:56, Long water stop, so that was okay.
Mile 13–8:32, Settle down!!!
Halfway–1:56, On pace for 3:50, can run a couple of minutes faster on the 2nd half and make it perfectly.
Mile 14–8:35, Don’t pick it all up at once! Turned around to look for Jon. He was about 10 yards back, and when we caught eyes he pointed for me to go forward without him. Realized that I’d been the one doing all the talking or the last few miles. I felt bad leaving him, but we’d decided before the race to meet at the beer if we got seperated…he had all my stuff in his car.
Mile 15–8:33, Okay, this is faster than I wanted to go, but I feel fine, right? Take your time with water at the next stop and keep it up!
Mile 16–8:59, No idea what was going on!
Mile 17–8:44, Settle down, you are going to RACE the last 10k.
Mile 18–8:59, Race starts in 2 miles. Eat a Gu, settle down.
Mile 19–8:57, Am I just resting for the final 10k, or am I slowing down? I can’t even tell.
Mile 20–9:10, Uh…I AM slowing down. Change of plans…I’ll race the last 5k instead of the last 10k.
Mile 21–9:22, Losing 10 seconds a mile. It’s going to hurt tomorrow whether you go or not, so GO, GO, GO!!!
Mile 22–9:10, See, you can do this!
Mile 23–9:30, Uh-oh…change of plans again…that’s okay, just race the last 1.2m instead of the last 5K.
Mile 24–10:08, Right calf wants to cramp really bad. I know I can go faster than this, but every time I speed up it gets right to the verge of cramp and I have to slow back down. Got lots of fluid and bananas and try to get this fixed, but knew I didn’t have much time to go. Just then I saw a guy collapse and smack his head on the pavement. Don’t panic!
Mile 25–10:18, Bonified cramp…that’s what I get for pushing harder than I needed to. Ended up costing me more time because I had to stop and rub it out. Change of plans again–race the last .2 instead of the last 1.2…oh well.
Mile 26.2–11:47, I DID race the last .2m, and I’ve never hurt and felt so good at the same time in my life.

Made my way through the finisher area through the food and to the started circling around the beer looking for Jon/Sandra/Collin/Shawn. Saw Jon about 5 beers later as he finished about 30 minutes behind me. He grabbed a beer, and we had to leave immediately so he could meet his family and give me my stuff since they were having lunch.

The Day I Began To Love Running

July 12, 2003 / Scott / 0 Comments

Of course, I’m writing this almost 10 years after it happened, but I peg everything to this day because it was the first time I’d ever run double digit miles.

July 12, 2003. I ran with Van Dyke and Diane from Cherokee Blvd. to Downtown Knoxville and back. I remember how excited Shawn and I were that we’d actually done this–we ran 10 miles!

Honestly, I was probably liking running a lot well before this, but this is the day that really stands out for me. this is probably the day that I began to think about maybe considering myself to be a runner.

More Evidence That Rickey Be The Greatest

August 22, 0207 / Scott / 0 Comments

The WSJ Numbers Guy, Carl Bialik, talks about the impressive numbers that Jose Reyes is putting up this year in stolen bases and the growing success of stealing in general.

It’s no surprise that Jose Reyes has stolen 63 bases and been caught stealing just 15 times, for a success rate of 80.8% â€” Reyes is leading all of baseball in steals.

That is impressive, and I’m not taking anything away from Reyes. But think about this…Rickey Henderson had the same success rate as Reyes, 80.8%, over a 25 year career! Additionally, while Reyes is leading the majors this year with 63 SBs, Rickey stole 130 bases in 1982!

Rickey also holds the records for most career steals (1,406), most runs scored (2,295), most postseason stolen bases (33) and several other records.

Rickey would probably still hold the record for career walks if not for Barry’s help from “the cream” and “the clear“. Rickey earned his walks by working the pitch count, and still holds the record for unintentional walks (2129).

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again–Rickey is the greatest. If you don’t believe me, ask him.