Scott Adcox

Heard this disclaimer as read by Boortz…hilarious! Nineteen seconds of commercial, followed by a lot of disclaimer, followed by another 20 seconds or so of commercial. It may be safer just to keep smoking.

It reminds me of the old SNL Happy Fun Ball commercial:

Kid 1: It’s happy!

Kid 2: It’s fun!

All Three Kids: It’s Happy Fun Ball!

Announcer: Yes, it’s Happy Fun Ball! The toy sensation that’s sweeping the nation! Only $14.95 at participating stores! Get one today!

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.

Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.

Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations.

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime warranty.

Announcer: Happy Fun Ball! Accept no substitutes!

NASA Releases First-Ever iPhone Game, Complete With Wiseass Remarks – And to think, it was just the other day I was telling a NASA employee that the private market could do a lot of the same stuff they do and it would be more cost efficient. She threw “we invented velcro” at me. If only she’d known they were releasing this iPhone app, she could have shut my point down completely. At least they are giving it away, so your tax dollars are being returned to you…if you happen to have an iPhone.

Marijuana use by seniors goes up as boomers age – Disclaimer: I don’t set things in fire and put them in my mouth. Period. But there are a lot of “get-off-my-lawn” type older people who really do need to chill out a little. And that wasn’t even brought up in this article. So how, exactly, would it hurt me if they got a little help with achieving that?

CPAC Exhaustion – Oops! So what if she said she met him but was mistaken. It’s not that big a deal. I’ll give some linkages just to say that.

10 fake Simpsons words that belong in the dictionary – Doh!

George Washington: Simplicity seeker – The Father of our desire for simplicity.

The finest Facebook groups ever conceived by man – Heh…Facebook may be good for something after all.

Amazon Wants To Give A Free Kindle To All Amazon Prime Subscribers – Please be true. Thank you.

9 Studies That the Anti-Vaccination Movement Says Show Links or Bury the Truth – And a few notes on them. I don’t understand the Latin parts, but I think the idea here is that these things keep a lot of people from getting really bad diseases, err, alive.

Nancy Reagan had Just Say No.

Laura Bush promoted the importance of literacy.

Now, Michelle Obama is fighting obesity.

When are we going to elect a First Lady who raises awareness of the threat the President (and Congress) poses to the futures of the country’s young people?

2009: The Year of the Failed Narratives – I love story time! I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed that none of the stuff they are trying to sell us involves dragons or unicorns. I mean, if we're going to write fiction, let's go all the way with it.

Ghetto Kool-Aid – The word "ghetto" is over-used. The word "Kool-Aid", however, is not.

The New Flight Security Rules, So Far – When you can count on showing up for a flight four hours early, not being allowed to access your carry-ons (the whole purpose for carrying things on when you have children), not being able to hold objects in your lap (try explaining that to a toddler), and not being able to go to the restroom for the last hour of the flight…why on earth would anyone fly anywhere with kids? This will definitely be changing our travel plans in the future.

Is cable worth it? – Not even if they paid you to watch the commercials

Top 10 Bad Things That Are Good For You – I don't set things on fire and put them in my mouth, so weed is out. Can I double down on the beer instead? And I won't need the LSD to counter the extra beer for a few years. I won't knock the maggots until I've tried them.

Obama, Left Behind – What he really needs to fix this is a new web site and a fresh Twitter account. They'll be back in no time.

Mortgage Applications Drop to 2-Month Low – I have to believe this is mostly due to the fact that people are hanging out waiting on short sale approval letters. *hint hint*

Learn to Let Go: How Success Killed Duke Nukem – Shake it baby! This is the first and only shoot 'em game I ever bought, but it was pretty good. I'm not that into video games, so I didn't really keep up with the drama that was the continual delayed release of the sequel.

Stripper For Christmas – Ho Ho Ho! Yeah, that wasn't very original.

Obama Ecstasy pills hit the streets – I knew they were on something.

A gay secession manifesto – Careful what you ask for. Your opponents just may support you in this whole heartedly.

Is Facebook Losing its Coveted Demographic? – Duh. Who wants to use the same service as their parents? That doesn't take a genius to figure out.

A slightly unfortunate Twitter billboard – Sad someone got suspended from their job for a week over this. It's just a someone humorous accident…not that big of a deal.

20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer – If given the same opportunity as water, I believe beer could have created an even Grander Canyon.

Stoplight Redesign – I like the idea. Wondering why they didn't build a mount for cameras right in.

The End Of The CrunchPad – Sucks. I was hoping to get one of these instead of the Apple tablet someday. I cain't have nuthin' nice!

Unemployment Growth on a Map – Pretty interesting graphic here that demonstrates how tough the economy is becoming.

The Onion once again crunches complicated intelligence data and breaks it down to a level even I can understand. Slideshows like this one are the only thing Power Point is really good for.